The Life of Athena Shepard
by DarkAislinn2012
Summary: A series of short stories about Athena Shepard: Survivor of Mindoir, War Hero, Hero of the Citadel and the Savior of the entire known Galaxy; also a badass Sentinel with a penchant and love for Sniper Rifles as well as one sexy Turian by the name of Garrus Vakarian.
1. Garrus Vakarian and a Missile Launcher

"Goddamn piece of shit," she muttered under her breath, blowing her hair out of her face and leaning over the workbench in the armory. "Why won't you just fucking do as I want!"

She had taken apart her ML-77 Missile Launcher to clean it and try to determine what had caused the jam on her last mission from Neith. After pulling it apart she found the problem but now she was having more trouble putting it back together and it was making her angry. For some reason the trigger was misbehaving and refused to slide back into place.

She heard the door slide open and rolled her eyes. Jesus Christ. The last thing she wanted to deal with was Jacob and his stupid smile. Sure, fucking had been nice, fantastic even and she had to give the man props: he knew what the hell he had been doing and damn if she didn't have one of the best orgasms ever, but now every time he saw her he acted like an idiot and she had the urge to punch him in the nose. To her it was just sex. Hell, she'd kicked him out of her cabin as soon as they were done. She wasn't interested in a relationship with him. No, definitely not Jacob. Her sights were focused elsewhere but she had to relieve sexual tension somehow and masturbating just didn't cut it, even with her specially ordered toy.

"Jacob how many times do I have to say it? We fucked, that's it and if you say another goddamned word I will hit you."

"I guess it's a good thing I'm not Jacob then, is it?" Motherfucker. Shit. Goddamn it.

She turned around, her face heating up in an embarrassing and uncontrollable hot blush and nervously pushed her bangs out of her face, tucking her hair behind her ear, and gave a weak smile accompanied by a breathless, nervous laugh. "Garrus," she wiped her sweaty palms on her pants. "I didn't know it was you. I thought-"

"I was Jacob? Clearly." She bit her lip, her heart rate climbing to the point of painful and tried to figure out what to say as she tried to destroy the stupid butterflies that were flying around in her stomach just from seeing him standing there, leaning his shoulder against the wall with a slightly amused look on his face. He was too sexy for words and her mind wandered, briefly, to wondering how his talons would feel digging into her hips. "Chambers told me you were in here fighting a losing battle with your missile launcher. I thought I'd come and try to help. Maybe calibrate it for you."

It wasn't like she kept her sexual adventures on the down low or tried to hide them, truth be told she could give a shit who knew but she didn't exactly want to broadcast it to Garrus. His opinion was the one that mattered most. She was sure he knew already, but having him hear it from her left her feeling strange and she didn't know what to do with that feeling. Best to squash it. It wasn't as if he felt the same for her, he'd never tried to come onto her before, so why should she care?

"I'm telling you this fucking thing hates me. Every time I try to do anything with the piece of shit it gets even more fucked up. I give up. I'm using a new missile launcher. Maybe I'll give the avalanche a try," she said, casting an angry eye towards the heavy weapon that was still partially dismantled. It looked pitiful and she wanted to throw it out the airlock for being so damn difficult.

"It can't hate you. It's an inanimate object, Shepard." Asshole. He was patronizing her and she absolutely loved it, especially when he smiled at her, his eyes twinkling. He pushed away from the wall, a rumbling chuckle escaping his broad chest at the site of her.

His visor picked up on how fast her heart was beating and how it continuously climbed the close he got to her. For a moment he was concerned that she was going to have a heart attack once he was standing next to her and he gave her curious look, hiding his knowing and satisfied smile at how she reacted to his presence. He tried not to puff his chest out too much.

"You okay? Your heart is going to pop out of your chest." She blinked at him and felt her cheeks becoming hot once again.

"I'm fine. I'm just really pissed at this thing," she motioned her hand over the sad looking missile launcher. She watched him as he expertly picked it up and began putting it back together with sheer ease. Something about watching his hands gracefully work on her weapon made heat pool between her thighs. Shit. Hopefully he wouldn't be able to smell her arousal but to try and hide it she squeezed her legs together. Bad idea, it just put awesome pressure there. While he worked, his attention focused on his task, she let her eyes wander over his body appreciatively.

Since acquiring Garrus back when she was chasing down Saren and the Geth she had done exorbitant amounts of research on Turians. Now she could put some it to good use, she thought as her eyes took in the length of his fringe. From what she had been able to find the length of male Turians fringe was a big deal and if it was too short he was not taken seriously, generally get stuck in shit jobs and it also meant a lack of testosterone or something wrong either mentally or physically. If the fringe was too long then he was an overly dominating male, most Turian women would steer clear of men with long fringes. But Garrus had a nicely shaped, perfectly long fringe. His generally meant that he was one to breed with and could land almost any job, rising in rank quickly in the military.

When she had issued a 24 hour shore leave when they hit the Citadel she had found herself in bar listening to a group of female Turians who wouldn't shut up about how hot Garrus was and wondering what he looked like beneath his armor. It had taken every inch of her willpower to not strangle each and every one of them, but it had also left her happy to know that the object of many nightly fantasies and unrequited feelings was considered "devastatingly handsome" amongst the Turians.

Even though the entire Turian species was tall, height still differed in their race. It seemed that height and fringe length ran parallel to each other. Garrus was tall, measuring at an impressive six foot five and she loved a tall man. She wasn't short by any means. She stood at an impressive five foot eight but even then the top of her head came to just below his shoulder.

He was an impressive figure with his muscular forearms, long powerful legs and his broad shoulders and wide cowl. Even his mandibles turned her on and she wanted nothing more than to straddle him in the gun battery and suck on them. She wanted to dig her nails into the sensitive skin under his fringe, with her legs hooked over his hips as he poun-

"There!" He cried in triumph at having fixed her weapon, jerking her away from her naughty thoughts and she blushed in embarrassment looking down at the now complete ML-77, disbelief crossing her face.

"How the fuck did you do it?" He gave her a confused look, his brows coming down over his eyes.

"Weren't you watching?" He sounded slightly crestfallen and she felt her heart lurch at the sad look on his face.

"Of course," she covered quickly, mentally kicking herself in the ass. "I just can't believe you did it so fast when the fucking thing refused to work for me."

"Oh. Well I've been doing this shit since I was fifteen. It's like a second nature to me. In the Turian military we're taught to use every single weapon so we're well versed for all types of combat situations."

_I wonder what his teeth would feel like nipping at my throat_, she thought then shook herself. Focus Athena.

"Yeah the Alliance doesn't do that. You're taught based off of your class. And I've never used a heavy weapon until Cerberus resurrected me. Either way, thank you. Now I can put this bitch up and not worry about it. Besides, Kelly said Grunt is about to explode in the cargo hold. I should probably check on him." He shook his head and smiled at her. "Jesus Christ that would suck is he exploded. He'd bring the entire Normandy down and I'll be damned if I am going to fucking die. Again," she added as an afterthought, laughing. A dark look flickered over his face and briefly she wondered what it was about it, but decided not to press the issue.

She went to step around him when she felt his warm hand circle her wrist and she looked up at him with a question forming on her lips but it died when he spoke.

"I should have never left the Normandy. It's my job to watch your six and I failed you," he started, the pressure from his hand increasing as he drew her closer. "When Tali called me to tell me about your death… well, it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. Then when I couldn't take it anymore I ran off to Omega. Not seeing you or hearing your voice for two years was absolute torture. Then I saw your N7 insignia through my scope holed up in that fucking place and for a moment I thought I had died. I'm not losing you again."

While he was talking his hand had snaked up her arm and down her back coming to rest on her waist, his fingers were gripping her waist tightly and she was so close to him she could feel his breath tickling the stray hairs that were escaping her messy bun. She swallowed, her face hot and breathing fast. She didn't know what to say and he was so close to her. Never before in her 29 (or was 31 now?) years had she ever received the look he was giving her.

"I'm not going anywhere, Big Guy. You never failed me. You could never fail me," was all that she could manage to work out of her dry lips.

He pulled her even closer and she held her breath, not knowing what to expect. This was different and entirely foreign to her. She was also more than just a little confused, but fuck if she was going to look at a gift from God too closely. She firmly believed that if he didn't kiss her soon Grunt wouldn't be the only one exploding if the wetness between her legs was any indication of her current state of arousal.

"Athena," he rumbled, bringing his head down towards hers. If he didn't have his hands on her she would have melted into a gooey pile of what once was Commander Athena Shepard. When his soft leathery lips touched hers she rose on her tip toes, sliding her arms around his neck and pressed herself against him as tightly as she could given the fact that he was wearing his stupid armor.

His tongue touched her lips and her mouth opened, greedily pushing her tongue against his and moaning. That seemed to be all the encouragement he needed as she was suddenly pressed against the wall, his hands sliding over her clothes, unhooking her overalls and pushing them down over her hips.

In her hazy state she fumbled with the clasps on his armor and he brushed her hands away. While he fucked with his armor she peeled off her underwear and top, telling EDI to lock the doors and let no one inside. Once the last piece of his armor fell to the floor with a loud clang his hands were on her, his body pressing her back against the cool wall of the ship as his mouth traveled down the column of her throat to press heady kisses to her pulse point.

"Garrus," she moaned when he grabbed her legs and rested them on his hips, his thick erection slipping into her, filling her like no other had before. He paused, dropping his forehead against her collar bone as her body adjusted to his size.

"Tell me you're ready," he growled into her ear, his tongue running along her earlobe while his talons dug into the soft light colored flesh of her generous hips. The only thing she could do was moan and roll her hips against him and immediately he started pumping in and out her, his growling and grunting filling the room mixed with her cries of pleasure every time he hit her G-spot.

She felt the first orgasm slam into her and her muscles spasmed around his thick cock, earning a deep, throaty and distinctly Turian rumbling sound from him.

"Fuck. Garrus." Expertly he slid his hand between them and his finger found her engorged clitoris. She squeezed her eyes against the pleasure; crying out she dug her nails into his shoulders, scratching down his plates.

In one swift movement he shifted their position, swiping his arm across the workbench and planted her there, bringing her ass to the edge all the while his body never leaving hers. That was probably sexiest thing a man could have ever done and damn if she wasn't turned on even more by his carnal and manly display.

"I've wanted you for so long," he murmured in her ear as his hips snapped against hers, his finger rubbing her clit.

She hooked her ankles together and leaned back, her fingers plucking at her nipples watching as his ridged blue cock slid in and out of her, feeling another orgasm building in the pit of her stomach. He grunted at her display and leaned forward, one hand gripped her waist while the other ripped the ponytail from her hair and his lips slid over hers.

She tilted her head back, giving vent to a loud moan. "Tell me you're close," she whispered, her voice hoarse. He nodded, his hips speeding to an erratic movement and she rubbed her clit. Now was probably a good time to tell him she was a squirter but no need to ruin the moment by trying to explain what it meant.

With one last slam into her, he tilted his head back and practically roared as his body tensed with his orgasm. Watching him was enough to put her over the edge and she came with full force, her body shaking and crying out as she gushed her hot liquids around him.

As their breathing returned to normal, he rested his forehead against her shoulder and idly she stroked his fringe, basking in the warmth of after-sex embers. When he finally pulled away and they got dressed she looked at him.

She knew she shouldn't be hurt and upset, there was never anything spoken ever before, but she was hurt. She loved him and had loved him since she recruited him. But if this was all he could or would give her then she would take it with a smile. He quirked a brow plate at her and paused before saying anything.

"This was amazing," he said smiling.

"It was. But now I have to check on Grunt." She bit her lip and turned to hurriedly exit the armory but he caught her arm and turned her around to him, his eyes searching hers.

"What's the matter?" He always was too intuitive to her feelings. Damn him.

"Nothing, really. I know Turians ease tension through sex and I think it's a great stress reliever," she said, pulling her arm out of his grasp and once again turned to leave.

"Athena," he murmured. She whipped back around at the tone of his voice, anger bubbling inside of her.

"What Garrus? What the hell do you want me to fucking me say?"

"Spirits, Athena I don't know! Maybe something other than you only did this because it's what Turians do?" She wasn't sure what he wanted her to say and that frustrated her. Did he want her to profess her feelings for him? When she didn't answer his face turned into an angry mask, his mandibles clenching tightly around his face. "Right. Sorry. I forgot. You pretty much fuck anything that walks on two legs then leave them once you're satisfied."

That felt like a slap in the face and the pain must have shown on her face because instantly he reached for her, but she shook her head and backed away from him. Her brows drew down over her eyes and she swallowed.

"I have to get to the cargo hold." Quickly she exited the room, blinking back the tears that were pooling in her eyes. What should she expect? She didn't exactly have the best reputation but for him to think he was just another good fuck was the most painful thing. Kelly said something to her but she ignored her, stepping into the elevator.

Before the doors shut Garrus slipped inside and pressed the stop button once the door slid shut around them, trapping her in with him.

"I didn't mean it," he said, looking down at her.

"No, you did and that's okay. I can't blame you for thinking that and it's my own damn fault," she relented, refusing to meet his gaze.

"I don't want this to be a onetime thing." Using his fingers he lifted her head up, forcing her to look at him.

"I never wanted that. I want you Garrus. Someone I can trust." He gave her a smile and bent down to press his lips against hers.

"Good because it's going to take more than the Collectors or Reapers to come between us."


	2. Hagalaz

There were few things in the Galaxy that could make Shepard feel awkward, but Liara T'Soni was one those things. It wasn't that she didn't like Liara, far be it actually, but the last time she saw her it was definitely uncomfortable. Athena hadn't known that Liara had harbored such feelings for her since her attention had been zoned in on a very different alien aboard her SR-1 and when they had reunited on Illium she had greeted her with a very deep kiss that had shocked the shit out of her.

She hadn't known what to think except be confused and when she tried to ask about it, Liara changed the subject which just added to the confusion. Then after (finally!) killing Vasir, Liara had angrily brought up the fact that she was painfully aware that Garrus was doing more than "calibrating the Normandy's guns" which had taken her aback. First off, how the fuck did she know what went on the Normandy? And second, why the hell did it matter? There was never a spoken agreement that there was anything deeper between them other than sex and Athena had made sure of that, but apparently she hadn't been clear enough on the subject.

She leaned her elbows forward onto her knees, rubbing her temples as she felt the headache creeping up on her and groaned. The conversation that they'd had after Shepard had returned back to the ship after recruiting Thane and Samara had been messy at best.

"_Look Shepard, about that kiss… we had just defeated the Shadow Broker and our emotions were heightened. Goddess! You were gone for two years," she said, her eyes glistening. Athena stared at her. Jesus. She thought… oh no, no, no, no. Before Liara could continue Athena held up her hands and gave her a strained smile. _

"_What about it? It was just a kiss. You also kissed me on Illium, which was completely unexpected by the way. And I think it scared Grunt," she added as an afterthought remembering the look of absolute horror on his face after the bizarre greeting. That had been fucking hilarious. She could only imagine the look on his face if he ever walked in on her and Garrus in the gun battery. She heard Liara speaking so she turned her attention back to her. _

"—_thing between Feron and me. It was always you," she said, stepping forward and tentatively touched Athena's arm with her blue hand. Shepard looked at it and suppressed the urge to pull back and run a hand through her hair, a nervous gesture that gave her away every time she played poker. Instead she slid her eyes back to the azure ones that held emotions in them that promised things that Athena could never reciprocate and she had no idea what to say to her. "Perhaps I could come aboard the Normandy and we can discuss this more, maybe over drinks?" The absolute come-hither and hopeful look that Liara had was heartbreaking at best. _

_Fuck. How the hell was she going to handle this? Before she could even think about it, her mouth was already speaking for her. Dammit, she really needed to learn to control her mouth. "Liara I- maybe we should just keep this professional?" She thought she had meant to sound sure of herself, but it ended up coming out high pitched, squeaky almost and ended in a question. Not good. Fuck. Shit. The look on Liara's face made her want to toss herself out the nearest airlock. _

"_I- but Shepard… we, I thought we _had _something. All the talk about being interested…" she trailed off, bring a light blue hand up to her forehead and rubbing it. Her eyes snapped back to Athena's, anger flickering in them. "Was I wrong? Or maybe it's because Garrus has moved into my territory?" Shepard jerked at that and clenched her fist by her side, trying to contain her biotics. _

"_Territory? I am _no one's _territory, let's be clear on that. Yes, I was interested but we, _I_," she corrected, seeing the indignant look that erupted on Liara's face. "never made any promises." _

"_So you lied to me?" Her voice rose by a fraction of an octave and Athena's eyebrows flew up past her bangs. _

"_I never lied to you. Not once did I ever say I wanted to be anything more than friends. We fucked and it was fantastic, I won't deny that, but never," she hissed, raising her hand and sliced it through the air. "did I fucking lie to you. You know that I slept with Kaidan too and you said you were fine with that. It's not my goddamned problem if you believed there was more to us then friendship." _

Given all of that, there were definitely more than a few reasons as to why she was bringing Garrus to Hagalaz with her. Tali had questioned her judgment since Athena had gone into the engineering deck in a blaze of fury, barking at Donnelly and Daniels to find somewhere else to go so she could rant to her about Liara, but Shepard, being the stubborn woman that she was (and let's be honest, sometimes spiteful) she had told Tali to go fuck with the drive core, which earned her an eye rolling and an under the breath, "Bosh'tet" which had given Athena cause to smirk at her audacity; she had taught the young woman well, a true Padawan, not that any of the crew, except perhaps Joker, would understand the meaning and/or reference.

She sighed. She was definitely dreading this little reunion, but it had to be done. She had invested money into smear campaigns, mining and other things so she was forced to return to see if her investments paid off. The pilot slowly landed and she and Garrus hoped out, quickly making their way through the stupid, crazy fucking wind to the door.

Once inside Shepard palmed the panel and the door slid open. Liara turned from her position at the console to look at them. Athena tried to ignore the cool greeting that Garrus and Liara exchanged as she made her way towards the shipment pick up console, but it wasn't easy; especially when they had to speak loudly across the room.

"Garrus," Liara said, a sour note in her voice as she crossed her arms over her chest, shifting her weight to her left foot and popping out her left hip.

"Liara," Garrus responded, heading towards the console that had everyone's dossier's, including Shepard's, but she didn't pay attention. In retrospect she should have, as it came back to bite her right in the center of her fucking ass.

"Shepard!" she chimed in under breath, missing the small smirked from both the Asari and Turian who both shook their heads.

"I hope you're doing well," Liara called across the room. Shepard could almost hear the smile in Garrus' dual vocalizations.

"More than you could know, T'Soni." Athena finally tuned them out, accepting her shipments and reading over the notes that accompanied them before sidling past Liara to check on the new vids and back down the stairs to see if her jobs had come back with positive results.

She was so absorbed in her mail that she didn't hear Garrus come up, a dark look gracing his handsome features, until he spoke quietly behind her, his voice deep with an angry lilt to his sub-harmonics. "Athena, we need to talk." She both hated and loved that tone of his voice. It half turned her on, making her instantly wet and it half scared her. It was rare than Garrus sounded angry, but when he did it was something serious so she turned around and met his eyes, instantly regretting it.

He was formidable. She certainly didn't want to go head-to-head with him in combat.

"About?" Of course the idea that he had see what was on the console with the dossiers didn't manage to wind through her brain at the time; stupid fucking piece of shit mind, she thought later. He jerked his head toward the door.

"Out of earshot." She nodded mutely, casting a glance towards Liara's back before heading off, Garrus hot on her heels. Once safely behind the door Garrus rounded on her, looking down at her, his body seeming to grow to a height of unfathomable heights. "Did you know what was on that console?" he asked, jerking his thumb towards the offending portal. She tried to put on her best innocent face.

"What console?" He raised a brow at her, clearly not buying the act. She sighed in resignation; no point in lying to him. "Yes, but I wasn't going to ask or say anything until I felt you were ready to talk about it." She reached out a placating hand but he ignored it to pace instead, one hand rubbing over his brow plates in sheer frustration and the other one curling around the air in anger, as if he could squeeze the life out of the air. "Garrus I-I'm sorry. I _should _have told you." He threw her an angry look.

"Damn right." He paused for a moment. "You didn't have to have Liara go through my shit to find out about what I did on Omega or find information on my mother. All you had to do was but too ask."

"Excuse me? Ididn't _have Liara_ do a damned fucking thing. I said that I knew what was on it, but not how it got there. I also learned that Grunt has a penchant for dinosaurs and sharks, which, I'll have you know, Vakarian, I didn't have Liara dig up." He stopped at her usage of surname and she couldn't (goddammit) suppress the smug look on her face. In an instant he was close to her, his body pressing against hers, his three fingers wrapped around her throat.

She gasped, terrified but more than a little turned on, if her fingers itching to dig into his waist was any indication. His eyes narrowed, his left eye flickering to his visor for a moment.

"You're not lying," he stated. It wasn't a question.

"No," she whispered, ignoring the warning bells going off in her head as her fingers grasped at the flesh under his fringe, digging her nails in. His eyes closed, he groaned and slid his hand from her throat down her body in slow, torturous movements earning him a quick hip buck from her when he dug his talons into her hip.

Eagerly, she pulled his head down to hers, her tongue meeting his in a fierce battle and she was only slightly aware that he had hiked up her dress to her waist until she felt his fingers ghost over her already wet, swollen clit.

"Liara is in the other room," she panted against his ear, as he ran his tongue alone the curve of her ear, down her throat to lick and nip at the muscle near the base of her neck.

"Never stopped you before." His voice rumbled out, tumbling over her already heated body. Jesus Christ. "You like the idea of getting caught, Athena. It makes you," he nipped at her jaw. "so wet for me." She moaned and lifted her hips towards his hand, hooking a leg over his spur. She heard the zipper being pulled down, felt the heat of his erection pressed against her.

He slid inside of her, his palm covering her mouth as she cried out, bringing her legs up around his waist. "Shh. I want to fuck you right here, with Liara behind that door." He grunted, his cock swelling inside of her as her muscles clamped around him at his voice, his deep, _sexy_, throaty, rumbling voice against her ear.

She loved it when he took her against a wall or door, demonstrating his strength as he held her up, his palms cupping her ass as he worked himself in and out of her. He slid out until just the head of his cock was inside her before sliding back in, stretching her to fit him and let out a low pitched moan when she rubbed her hips against him, clenching her eyes tight against the pleasure of her swollen clit rubbing against his plates.

It was hard for to believe that he had never fucked an alien before. He knew, just _knew_, where to touch, to rub, to lick, to suck and he couldn't have known all of that unless he had fucked an asari or human before, but she let it go as he slammed into her, hitting the back of her pussy with his swollen head and panting her name in her ear, occasionally his tongue darting out to lick up the sweat that glistened on her skin.

"Fuck," she whispered, digging her nails into his fringe as hard as she could. His pace wavered for a second, but he sped up, his eyes boring into hers.

"Come for me." Her eyes fluttered shut at his command and focused on the amazing feeling his plates were causing her. Soon she felt herself climbing that ladder into unbearable ecstasy and her eyes flew open, locking with his and when he mouth touched hers she lost; she tore her mouth away, letting vent to a well deserved scream as her orgasm ripped through her, tearing her asunder.

It started in the tips of her fingers and soon spiraled out of control, snaking down her back, over her hips, shooting through her legs down to her toes and back up to her clit. As her pussy clenched, spasming around his large cock, he let go inside of her, groaning her name into her neck, his hips thrusting at an uneven pace as she milked him for all he was worth.

They leaned against the hull of the ship for a few moments, catching their breath before she reluctantly removed her legs from his hip and placed her feet on the ground. The righted their clothing in silence, stealing glances at each other.

"Do you think Liara heard?" He turned towards her, his mandibles flared out in a smile.

"Honestly, I don't give a damn."


	3. Carry on My Wayward Son

_He sat cleaning his rifle, listening to the laughing at his men and smiling at their good natured ribbing of each other. Butler was telling a joke about some human in a bar and Weaver kept cutting in to correct him so he "didn't fuck up the punch line". _

"_You're awfully quiet." He looked up and shrugged, picking up his varnish and stroking it down his weapon, as if he was handling a precious gem._

"_I'm content to just listen." Sidonis crossed his arms over his chest and gave him a doubtful look. _

"_You never join in on the fun." _

"_I'm not that funny. I don't have much sense of humor." _

Bullshit, Garrus. You're damn funny and you know it,_ her voice echoed through his head and he tried not to roll his eyes, a habit he had learned from her. _

Yeah, yeah.

_Sidonis sat down across from him and watched as Garrus took great care with polishing, cleaning and putting his rifle back together. He loved the damn thing. "Where'd you get that anyway?" Sidonis asked, pointing to the rifle._

"_It was-my Commander gave it to me. One of the last missions we went on." Sidonis quirked his mandibles, a curious look flitting over his face. Garrus ignored it. _

"_You mean Shepard?" His hands stilled for half a minute before nodding, sliding his scope back into place. "How'd she afford it?" _

"_She didn't buy it. She liked to poke through crates and weapon's lockers," he remembered, smiling. "We were on an asteroid, trying to save Terra Nova, and she opened a locker, her face lit up and she pulled it out then handed it to me. I've modded it so it takes thermal clips now, but it's an excellent rifle." _

You know that's not _exactly _how it happened, dude.

Close enough to the real thing.

"_Was she as fantastic as everyone makes her out to be?" _

"_She was. She had this air about her and it made you want to follow her into the darkest corners of the galaxy. She was fair, she listened, and she'd do anything for her crew. When she'd speak to you it didn't feel like your commanding officer was talking to you, but a friend." _

_Not many people had asked about her. Most of his men had learned that it was not a subject that he wished to discuss. Once, when Melanis (a Batarian) had spoken ill of her, Garrus had punched him, broke his nose, and told him that if he had a problem with Shepard then he could "get the hell out". Since then they had left the subject alone, only bringing it up when he was out of earshot or if he mentioned her. _

You make me sound like a fucking God.

To us, you were.

Shut up, Garrus. _He could almost _**hear **_the blush creeping onto her cheeks. _

_Soon after she died he had starting hearing her in his head and he thought at first he was going crazy and perhaps he was, but it kept him sane no matter how weird that was. She disagreed with some of the things that he had done and even went so far as to not talk to him for a few days which always made him feel out of sorts, but she always came back to him. _

"_Were you-," Sidonis cleared his throat and gave him a pointed look. When Garrus only returned his look with a raised brow plate he sighed. "Were you and Shepard… close?"_

"_Sure." He picked up his rifle and laid it, carefully as if handling the most delicate of objects, in the custom case that Athena had ordered for him._

"_As more than friends?" _

He's asking if we ever fucked, idiot.

_He jerked at her comment and felt the heat rising in his neck uncomfortably. Hopefully Sidonis didn't notice. He looked at Sidonis out of the corner of his eye. _

"_No. We were best friends. Why?" Sidonis shrugged and jerked his thumb over towards the guys. _

"_I'm not the only one who thinks that. It's the way you talk about her, like you loved her." Garrus gave him a confused look. _

"_Of course I loved her, she was a friend. I also love Liara and Tali, hell I love Wrex, a Krogan. I loved everyone aboard the Normandy."_

"_Yeah, but you don't talk about them like you do her," he said, shaking his head. He looked over Garrus' shoulder and noticed the time. "Anyway, we need to get going. I'll meet you at the spot. Don't be late." He stood up and turned, looking at the men with a look that Garrus didn't quite understand for a moment before leaving. _

I don't trust him, Garrus. Neither should you.

_He learned, that night, that she was right. He shouldn't have trusted him. _

Garrus woke up with a start and looked at the time on his omni-tool. It was one in the morning. He'd only been asleep for a few hours. He groaned and rubbed his hands over his eyes before reaching over to grab his visor, running his thumb across the names.

_I told you not to trust him_.

_You're not telling me anything I haven't already told myself, Athena._

_Fuck you. I'm not telling you that to piss you off. I'm telling you because you're in a shit place right now and you need to let it go. _

Angrily he stood up, growling quietly and put his visor over his eye.

_Leave me alone. _

_Garrus if you send me away I'm not fucking coming back._

_Fine, just go!_

Then he was alone, standing in the gun battery and stared at the blinking light on his console indicating a new message. He was about to open it when he heard Shepard speaking through the door, laughing at something Jacob was saying to her. Hearing her laugh, deep and throaty, sent a wave of warm pleasure wash over him. It seemed so long ago that he had resigned himself to death when he had seen her, through his scope and everything changed.

_He leaned back into cover and looked over his thermal clips. Not many left, damn, that was never a good thing. He braved a look to see what the mercs were up too and felt the shock radiate through his body as his scope flashed over the all too familiar insignia gracing the right breast of the human armor. _

_He dodged a bullet and lifted the scope higher, up to the face. _

"_I'll be damned," he whispered. _

_She looked exactly the same as he remembered. Her green eyes were lined in thick black lashes, her bright red hair was pulled up into a messy bun and her freckles were still in the same places they had always been. She was speaking to a Salarian and human male when he lowered his rifle and pulled the trigger, blowing her shields. _

_Her eyes flashed to his in the scope, her brows drawn down before turning away and jogged off. When he couldn't see her anymore, he leaned back behind cover and tried to calm his racing heart. It couldn't be. He had heard the news, listened to Tali crying over the vids, and even let Anderson and Hackett give the news to him in person. _

_The mercs were moving again. _

_He leaned out and fired: one, drop. Two, drop. Three… he considered for a moment before shooting her, blowing her shields again and smirked when she scowled, cracking her knuckles and said something to her squad. _

_She rushed up, her SMG forming in her hands as she tossed a cyro at the merc in front of her. The older human male sent a concussive shot and the Salarian incinerated the male who had Athena lined in his sights. _

_He watched as she moved across the bridge all fluid and changing, dancing her way towards him. Shepard was far from graceful unless she was on the battlefield. She moved like a solar flare, turning and whipping out her pistol to land a clean headshot before hitting someone with the butt of her SMG and finishing them off with her tech armor. _

_When she was out of sight he heard the cries of disbelief. _

"_It's Shepard!" _

"_She's with Archangel!" _

_He smirked, sniping the idiot who had just clamored over the barrier but turned when he heard them massing outside his door. She would take care of them and he was right as he heard the thud of the bodies and gurgling sound of their dying, the blood bubbling up in their throats as they tried to cry out in pain. _

_The door whooshed open and she came in, her pistol pointed at him. "Archangel?" _

_As much as he wanted to drop his weapon, run to her and make sure it was really her, he held up his hand and waited for the… what was the word?_

Douche-bag or dumbass would work.

Ah, right. Thanks.

You know I'm only here to better your human insults.

_He smirked and when the said douche-bag poked his head out, dumbass, he pulled the trigger and watched in satisfaction when he fell to the ground._

_It took every ounce of his self control to not leap up, but instead he lifted himself slowly, using his rifle as leverage and turned towards a couch. He sat down and carefully pulled off his helmet. _

"_Shepard," he said, trying to keep the tremors out of his sub-harmonics, but having a really difficult time. "I thought you were dead." _

_The shock that registered on her face was something he could relate too. Only moments before had he felt the same damn thing. _

"_Garrus!" She opened her arms as if she would hug him, but she dropped them to her sides, her smile never faltering. "What are you doing here?" _

"_Just keeping my skills sharp. A little target practice." Her face looked worried and he felt a pang of guilt. Sure, he was glad to see her but having her see him like this was… he wasn't sure how he felt. _

"_You okay?"_

"_Been better, but it sure is good to see a friendly face. Killing mercs is hard work. Especially on my own." _

_She asked him questions and he didn't really care what she was saying or what her answers were. Hearing her voice, seeing her in front of him and feeling her body heat was something else, something good. _

_For the first time in two years he felt that things were going to get better. _

_Just like old times. _

He pulled away from his thoughts, shaking away the painful memory of being shot with a rocket to the face, the agony he had felt when she had left him with the human male, Zaeed, to run off and shut the gates without him at her six and opened the message.

No. It couldn't be. His contacts had found Sidonis. No sooner had he thought it, his door opened and Athena strode in, asking him if he had a minute and he turned around.

"Shepard I'm glad you came by. I may need your help. You remember Sidonis? The one who betrayed my team? I found a lead on him." He walked past her, unable to stand in one place too long, and into the hall. "There's a specialist on the Citadel. His name's Fade. He's an expert at helping people disappear. Sidonis was seen with him." She was quiet for a moment, taking in his words and his expressions.

"What are you planning to do when you find him, Garrus?"

"You humans have a saying, "An eye for eye, a life for a life." He owes me ten lives and I plan on collecting." He couldn't describe the look on her face. She kept it blank as she digested his words. He hated when she did that to him.

"You sure that's how you wanna play it?"

"I'm sure. I don't need you to agree with me, but I'd like your help." He didn't want her help – he needed it.

"What happened? How did Sidonis betray your team?"

"He tipped off the mercs, told them where our base was. He drew me out with a false job then let the mercs hit my team. My men weren't prepared, but they tried to hold them off. By the time I got back there were only two survivors," he looked away from her, trying to ignore the images threatening to erupt behind his eyes. "All ten of them dead. Because of him."

"Where do we find this Fade?" She didn't even hesitate when asking, but he saw the look in her eyes.

"I've arranged a meeting. Meet him in a warehouse near the Neon markets in Zakera ward. Thanks Shepard. I appreciate you taking the time to help me." He turned away before she could say something, try to change his mind.

He needed to do this.

"Harkin's a fuckin' menace. He deserves to be punished; we shouldn't have just let him go."

"Gettin' a little worried about you Garrus. You were pretty damn hard on Harkin." The look she gave him, the undecipherable look, made him angry.

"You don't think he deserved it?"

"It's just not like you," she said, looking away and out the windshield.

_I have a point you know. This pissed off and brutal man isn't you. Surely you fuckin' know that._

"What do you want from me Shepard?" He wasn't sure which Athena he was asking that question. "What would you do if someone betrayed you?"

"I'm not sure, but I wouldn't let it change me," both of them said in harmony, both sounding sad and more than a little upset.

"I would've said the same damn thing before it happened to me."

"It's not too late. You don't have to go through with this."

"Who's going to bring Sidonis to justice if _I _don't? Nobody else knows what he's done. Nobody else cares," he paused and took a breath ignoring the angry retort from the voice inside his head telling him that she did care, that she knew but that this wasn't right. "I don't see any other options."

"Let _me _talk to him."

"Talk all you want, it's not going to change anything. I don't care what his reasons were, he screwed us. He _deserves _to die."

_Garrus… you don't mean that. _

_The hell I don't! You, more than her, know what he did. You saw it. _

_I stand firm in my beliefs, regardless. You can't become _**him**.

"I understand what you're going through, but do you really wanna kill 'im?"

"I appreciate your concern, but I'm not you."

"This isn't _you_ either."

_You know I'm right. _

"Really? I've always hated injustice and the thought that Sidonis could get away with this? Why should he go on living while ten good men lie in unmarked graves? I'm sorry Shepard; words aren't going to solve this problem. I need to set up." He looked around for a moment. "I can get a clear shot from over there."

"What'd you need me to do?" She sounded resigned, tired of arguing with him.

"Keep him talking and don't get in my way. I'll let you know when he's in my sights. Give me a signal so I know you're ready and I'll take the shot. You better go, he'll be here soon."

As the shuttle flew away, he watched her. He knew she hated this, hated the fact that he was willing to take a life but she didn't understand. She would never understand, he thought as he perched rifle on the ledge.

Once he spotted him he told her to wave him over and to keep him talking. He should have expected her intervention, staying in his sights, moving with Sidonis so he couldn't take the shot. He listened, had no choice but to listen as Sidonis tried to explain his actions, why he did what he did and how he felt guilty for what he did.

"I wake up every night, sick and sweating. Each of their faces staring at me, accusing me. I'm already a dead man. I don't sleep, food had no taste. Some days, I just want it to be over."

Bastard. He sold them out to save his own life. "Just give me the chance."

"Gotta let it go, Garrus. He's already paying for his crime."

"He hasn't paid enough! He still has his life."

"Look at him Garrus; he's not alive, there's nothing left to kill."

"My men… they deserved better!"

"Tell Garrus… I guess there's nothing I can say to make it right." He was angry, more than angry; he was furious but when they spoke to him, saying the same thing he sighed.

"Just, go. Tell him to go."

"He's letting you go."

"You're a better man than I am Garrus, thank you." Before Sidonis turned away, Shepard grabbed his arm and looked at him.

"Damn right he is. He would have never, _ever _betrayed his men, his team, his _friends _and more importantly his fucking _crew. _You pussied out because you're a coward. I hope to God that you regret it because if I find-" Her mic shut off and Garrus was left in silence, straining look through his scope as Athena spoke to him, her hand jabbing him in the chest. He saw Tali reach out and tug at her arm, only to be thrown "the look" and she backed off, but still stood close to her, looking back towards Garrus but not saying anything despite his questions. Oddly enough Shepard's voice in his head remained silent as well, ignoring him.

Finally Sidonis turned away; throwing a fearful look over his shoulder at Athena's retreating back as she hopped into the shuttle and made her way back towards him.

When it opened and she stepped out he couldn't stop the words from tumbling out his mouth. "I know you wanna talk about this, but I don't. Not yet," he amended. Sooner or later he would and he knew that.

"I know it didn't go the way you planned, but I think it's for the best."

"I'm not so sure."

"Give it time," they replied, their voices overlapping each other.

"Yeah, maybe that'll be enough. I wanna know I did the right thing, not just for me, but for my men. They deserved to be avenged but when Sidonis was in my sights I just couldn't do it."

"The lines between good and evil blue when we're lookin' at people we know."

"Yeah. There was still good in him, I could see it. So much easier to see the world in black and white. Grey? I don't know what to do with grey." She reached out and put a hand on his arm, her eyes filling with an emotion he couldn't understand at the moment but would decipher later.

"You gotta go with your instincts."

"My _instincts _are what got me into this mess."

"Don't be too hard on yourself." She removed her hand and patted his arm, then side before backing away, a blush on her cheeks.

"Thanks Shepard. For everything. Let's get going; I need some distance from this place." She smiled and nodded.

"I'm with you."

For the first time in two years he no longer felt empty. And it was a damn good feeling.


	4. Radioactive

Garrus stormed into the gun battery in a whirlwind of fury, anger seething through him, piercing his normally calm exterior, and he ripped the visor off his head, throwing it against the wall with such ferocity it would have shocked him was he not so upset. Later he'd check it for damage, but for now he couldn't give a shit less about the damned thing.

"**Fuck**!"

He swiped his arm across his workbench, sending the pieces flying and slammed his fists down on top of it, the hard steel buckling from the force of the raging Turian.

"She fucking did it anyway!"

He couldn't breathe, he was too constricted. He started ripping his armor off his body, hurling the pieces through the battery, ignoring the loud clanging the metal made against each other.

"She fucking lied to me, to my _fucking_ face!"

He dropped onto a nearby crate, his elbows on his knees and hung his head, his body rocking back and forth, his head shaking. Slowly his anger dissipated only to be turned into a tumbled mixture of worry, anxiety and pain.

He ground the heels of his hand into his eyes, his breathing too fast, and his heart was threatening to jump out of his chest and flop around on the floor like a dying fish.

This feeling of absolute helplessness wasn't something that he dealt with very well and he resented her, albeit guiltily, for putting him in this position.

What pissed him off was that they had discussed this and agreed upon a decision. They had spent most of an evening, a couple of night cycles ago, in her cabin hashing it out and she finally agreed that she wouldn't do it, wouldn't go without him or go at all for that matter. There were too many unknown variables in the equation she presented him and he expressly told her that he felt uncomfortable with the situation.

Then when he had gone to her cabin to look for her and she wasn't there he had a feeling, a hunch as she would call it but decided that maybe she was just spending time with Grunt. Instead of impeding on their time, he headed up to the CIC to bullshit with Joker, since he was bored and needed a good laugh, but when he saw the look on the pilots face he knew, without a doubt, that something was wrong.

Joker tried to cover it up with a bad joke, but EDI (Spirits bless that AI) had corrected him saying, "Jeff, you know that the Commander hasn't been heard from in forty-eight hours. Why lie?" Joker had sent the blue holograph a scathing look followed by, "EDI, you need to learn to keep your fucking trap shut."

After that he had torn through the CIC into the elevator and tornadoed his way through the mess hall, giving withering looks to anyone who paid him attention, to where he was now, shoulders slumped in defeat, back rigid in pure terror at her situation.

"Dammit, Athena. You can't do this to me again."

Forty-eight hours.

Two days. Two _**whole **_fucking__days.

She'd been silent for _two days_. Spirits.

Two days too long, in his professional opinion. Two days meant… he didn't want to think about it, _couldn't _think about it. When he thought about her dying, again, he felt a blackness take over his mind, wiping out all color and thought to just replace them with emptiness, like the black they lived in.

It was unbearable.

"Get us out of here, Joker!" Athena cried, running through the CIC, yanking off her helmet, her ponytail coming undone with bright red tendrils framing her sweat covered face, towards the galaxy map, as she felt the ship lurch, jostling the crew with Kelly trying to keep her balance against the console, and the familiar thrumming as they accelerated through the Mass Relay. "Jesus H Christ," she whispered. The sight of the system slowly being engulfed in the blood red light then disappearing and blinking out caused a seize in her heart, her breath stopped and tears freely fell from her eyes, cascading down her cheeks.

She couldn't move. She felt frozen to the spot, her armored hands gripping the railing, cutting off her circulation. Vaguely she heard Kelly's voice speaking to her, as if she were across a Biotiball field and speaking in no more than a whisper, and felt hands on her waist, turning her to look at the Turian behind her, her eyes wide, her pupils dilated.

"I killed them. I fucking killed an entire species with no goddamned thought," she whispered, her voice breaking, tears streaking down her stark face, paler than it should have been. "and all in the name of stopping the Reapers. Jesus, Garrus, _I _murdered them!" Her fingers curled into his jacket and she collapsed against him, her sobbing was heart wrenching, releasing a deep, from the darkest depths of her body, lamenting wail that escaped her parted lips, stilling the movements of the entire CIC and even Joker bowed his head in mournful response at her unguarded misery.

His hands were in her hair, caressing her face, tracing the invisible markings. He was unclasping her armor, letting it fall to the ground and giving Kelly a cursory look that she understood and she scrambled to grab the armor. He hauled her up, cradling her as if he would a baby and headed for the elevator.

She needed to get to Chakwas.

Immediately.

"Athena."

His voice rumbled through the room, bouncing off the fish tank, her end tables, her models and finally breaking in warm waves over her ears.

"Garrus," she replied, curled into a position that he had no name for. Her legs were pulled up against her chest, her chin tucked over her knees on her side. "I know you want to bitch at me for leaving, but I don't. Not right now."

He stepped down the stairs, past her "living room" and went to stand at the foot of the bed, looking down at her. She looked so frail, so fragile, as if she were a delicate porcelain doll, with dark bags under her eyes, lines of exhaustion at her eyes and mouth.

"I'm not here as your soldier. I'm here as your boyfriend and I'll be damned if I am going to let you slip into Commander mode on me." The only outward sign that she understood what he said or was even listening was the quirk in her mouth. He prided himself on the fact that he could read her expressions so well.

After a few moments of silence with just the quiet hum of the Normandy traveling at subluminal speed, the almost silent buzz of the fish tank, she opened her emerald eyes and peered at him. The emotion in them caused him to pause. He'd never seen her so raw before. The absolute look of pure despair that was held in them was too much to handle.

He bent forward and climbed on top of the bed to lie in front of her, facing her, and his hands sought the soft tresses that spilled across her pillow like an endless red sea, waving in and out of each other. His fingers delved into them and stroked outward, occasionally bringing one to his nose to inhale its fragrance, committing the scent to memory.

He ran his finger down her milky cheek, dotted with light freckles caused by being in the sun, over her jaw and under her chin to tilt her face towards his and bent his head to capture her mouth with his, pouring all of the love he felt for her into it. Her mouth met his, warm and moist, parting, her eyes fluttering shut with tears silently escaping from her lashes.

Her fingers danced across his mandible, slid across his plated cheeks towards the back of his head, caressing his neck and tightening against his plates. She uncurled her body and slid closer to him, needing to feel his body heat against her, needed him to make her feel _alive_.

He obliged, sliding a knee between her legs and pushing her over onto her back, trailing kisses against her throat, his hand cradling her head in the palm of his large hand. Her back arched, a sigh escaping her rosy lips.

Tonight she needed him.

Everything else could wait until tomorrow.


End file.
